Yes, so the message goes

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 07:02:08 GMT

Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs I know I can't breath
And hope someone will save me this time
Your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that god never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
Crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you loved things just because
Like the sick and the dying

And sometimes when you're on you're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along and they love you
But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absense
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be be better you'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter
Or son and a real good friend
And you'll be awake and you'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest you'll be brave
You'll be handsome you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them...

"A Better Son/Daughter", Rilo Kiley

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 04:19:35 GMT

"We held hands just once. She was leading me somewhere and grabbed my hand as if to say, This way—hurry up. Our hands were clasped together ten seconds at most, but to me it felt more like thirty minutes. When she let go of my hand, I was suddenly lost. It was all very natural, the way she took my hand, but I knew she's been dying to do so.

The feel of her hand has never left me. It was different from any other hand I'd ever held, different from any other touch I've ever known. It was merely the small, warm hand of a twelve-year-old girl, yet those five fingers and that palm were like a display case crammed full of everything I wanted to know—and everything I had to know. By taking my hand, she showed me what these things were. That within the real world, a place like this existed. In the space of those ten seconds I became a tiny bird, fluttering into the air, the wind rushing by. From high in the sky I could see a scene far away. It was so far off I couldn't make it out clearly, yet something was there, and I knew that someday I would travel to that place. This revelation made me catch my breath and made my chest tremble.

I returned home, and sitting at my desk, I gazed for a long time at the fingers Shimamoto had grasped. I was ecstatic that she'd held my hand. Her gentle hand warmed my heart for days. At the same time it confused me, made me perplexed, even sad in a way. How could I possibly come to terms with that warmth?"

—Murakami Haruki, South of the Border, West of the Sun

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 10:19:24 GMT

Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results

Gregariousness	\|\|\|	10%
Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Poise	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Leadership	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Provocativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Self-Disclosure	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Talkativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Group Attachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Understanding	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Pleasantness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Tenderness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Nurturance	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Conscientiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Efficiency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Purposefulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Organization	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Rationality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Planning	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Happiness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	18%
Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Moderation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Toughness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Impulse Control	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Imperturbability	\|\|\|\|\|\|	14%
Cool-headedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Tranquility	\|\|\|\|\|\|	18%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Ingenuity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Reflection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Competence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Quickness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Introspection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Creativity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Depth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	75%

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Factor		low score	high score
Gregariousness	10%	quiet, reclusive	engaging, socially bold
Sociability	42%	withdrawn, hidden	warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness	26%	timid, gunshy	controlling, aggressive
Poise	34%	uneasy around others	socially comfortable
Leadership	42%	stays in background	prefers to lead
Provocativeness	66%	modest, plays it safe	bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure	58%	private, contained	very open and revealing
Talkativeness	34%	quiet, stealthy, invisible	motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment	38%	loves solitude	prefers to be with others
Understanding	78%	insensitive, schizoid	respectful, sympathetic
Warmth	70%	disinterested in others	supportive, helpful
Morality	54%	break/ignore the rules	play by the rules
Pleasantness	54%	aloof or disagreeable	gets along with others
Empathy	78%	out of tune w/ others	in tune with others
Cooperation	70%	competitive, warlike	agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy	86%	socially inconsiderate	socially conscious
Tenderness	70%	cold hearted, selfish	warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance	74%	self pleasing, me first	people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness	46%	reckless, unscheduled	careful, planner
Efficiency	58%	unreliable, lazy	finisher, follows through
Dutifulness	66%	leisurely, derelict	strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness	54%	inattentive, undisciplined	prepared, focused
Organization	82%	relaxed, oblivious	detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness	34%	impulsive, spendthrift	restrained, cautious
Rationality	54%	irrational, random	direct, logical
Perfectionism	74%	careless, error prone	detail obsessed
Planning	62%	disorganized, random	scheduled, clean
Stability	30%	easily frustrated	calm, cool, unphased
Happiness	18%	unhappy, dissatisfied	self content, positive
Calmness	34%	touchy, volatile	even tempered, tolerant
Moderation	38%	needs instant gratification	easily delays gratification
Toughness	42%	hypersensitive, moody	thick skinned
Impulse Control	42%	lacks self control	maintains composure
Imperturbability	14%	highly emotional	emotionally contained
Cool-headedness	34%	demanding, controlling	accommodating
Tranquility	18%	emotionally volatile	emotionally neutral
Intellect	78%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity	54%	lacks new ideas	innovative, novel
Reflection	82%	unreflective, coarse	art and beauty lover
Competence	74%	slow to understand/think	intellectual, brainy
Quickness	74%	intellectually dependent	intellectually independent
Introspection	90%	not self reflective	self searching
Creativity	66%	dull headed	synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination	78%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Depth	82%	lacks curiosity	mental explorer

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

She did it again.

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 17:16:20 GMT

"Time passes in moments... moments which, rushing past, define the path of a life, just as surely as they lead towards its end. How rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making, or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed. But what if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes? Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life? And, seeing those choices, choose another path?"

X-files, 7x17

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 18:16:42 GMT

"Grief squeezed at her eggshell heart like it might break into a thousand pieces, its contents running like broken promises into the hollow places his love used to fill. How could she know this pain would end? That love, unlike matter or energy, was in endless supply in the universe... A germ which grows from nothingness which cannot be eradicated, even from the darkest of hearts. If she had known this - and who could say she would believe it? - She would not have chanced to remain at his sad grave until such an hour so that she might not have to learn the second truth before the first: that to have love was to carry a vessel that could be lost or stolen. Or worse, spilled blood-red on the ground. And that love was not immutable and could become hate as day becomes night. As life becomes death."

This is from, of all things, an X-files episode. Scully totally made me cry.